It Was the Worst of Times

I've been pretty bummed out lately. Whether I make false judgements, or I just feel like crap for saying something dumb, or maybe not saying anything at all when I want to. In any case I've been pretty hard on myself. Generally speaking I'm pretty sure that the people I'm feeling all this stuff toward don't share these thoughts, and may not even know that I'm having them. I've been having a lot of anxiety about it for some odd reason. I don't know... I keep feeling like I'm just not good enough, or that I'm just not... gahh I don't even know. What ever the case is, I know that it's just me being overly critical of myself. Someone really just needs to sit me down and say, "Hey. Chill. You're fine, and I'm fine with you. Don't beat yourself up over silly things." Because honestly, that's what I'm doing. I'm beating myself up over it. Not physically, obviously. I'm a sissy who throws a weak punch. Ask me about my middle school experience. haha

But really. I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but if I get no reassurance, I go on thinking that I'm just a failure who doesn't ever know what to say or do. That's when I'll just back off all together. I hide away. And then the times I make an effort to say or do something, if I get a minimal response back, or none at all, I sink away further. Why? I'm insecure I guess... That's really my worst quality. Half the time I know that the other person has nothing against me. But then I'm always using the "what if's" against my situation and in favor of the worser option. Call me paranoid. I know.

I seriously need a vacation... someone tell me to snap out of it. I'm just so stressed out over everything, and it's all stuff I probably don't even need to worry about at all...I need a hug...maybe a neck rub...and a hot bath...